


Disaster on the Pitch

by Squarepeg72



Series: Off the Pages [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy of Errors, Hogwarts Inter-House Rivalries, Other, Quidditch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 06:02:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15880023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squarepeg72/pseuds/Squarepeg72
Summary: An quidditch match between Durmstrang and Hogwarts has been arranged and an All-Star team made of players from all four houses has been created. Quidditch at Hogwarts may never be the same again ...





	Disaster on the Pitch

**Author's Note:**

> [](https://www.flickr.com/photos/148170750@N07/44418452651/in/dateposted-public/)   
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> Inspired by head cannon posted by @potters-little-ferret on Tunblr:
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> Hogwarts having a Quidditch match against a rival school and all the houses having to adapt to playing together as a team, rather than against each other.  
> Cue Oliver Wood having his work cut out for him.  
> “Everyone settle down please.”  
> “Flint, get Weasley out of that headlock right now.”  
> “Durmstrang are going to throttle us if this infighting doesn’t cease.”  
> “Potter and Malfoy, I woN’T ASK YOU AGAIN.”  
> “FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND POINTS FROM EVERY HOUSE.”

“I don’t know who thought this would be a good idea,” Oliver grumbled to himself as he walked toward the Quidditch pitch. “An all-star team made up of players from all the houses. It will be great.”

Oliver continued to grumble as he walked. Staring at the scene on the pitch, Oliver dropped his kit and broom. “Just bloody perfect.”

Raising two finger to his lips, he filled the air with a shrill whistle. The chaos on the pitch stilled. The sudden silence that fell across the pitch was matched only by the comedy of errors it revealed.

The Weasley twins were tangled with Flint, Potter and Malfoy looked like they were ready to duel with their broom held like swords, and the ladies had each other’s hair in their hands, but they were not creating new hairstyles. With a sigh and a shake of his head, Oliver started practice.

“Flint, get Weasley out of that headlock right now. Goyle, are you taking bets on that scrap?” Oliver continued to look at his team. “Diggory, could you help Potter and Malfoy learn to hold their brooms correctly. Ladies, you can do hair after we get off the pitch…Bloody hell, this is never going to work.”

Oliver continued to shake his head as he watched the Weasley twins and Flint try to kill each other under the guise of getting untangled. “Weasley, quit trying to bite Flint’s arse. Snakes do not taste that good.”

Taking a deep breath, he addressed the ladies on the field, who had moved from pulling each other’s hair to trying to bash Cedric over the head with their brooms. “Ladies, do you think you could try flying on your brooms instead of using them to beat my co-captain to death?” Oliver began to rub his temples as he continued. “It is difficult to beat Durmstrang if you are all in the infirmary with concussions.”

Katie and Cho dropped their brooms and looked at Oliver. “Sorry, Wood.” Katie shrugged and glared at Cho. “Some people claimed they were starters when we all know that Madame Hooch is making those decisions as we practice.”

“Nothing has been decided yet,” Oliver turned to find the sudden screech that filled the air. “Johnson, don’t even think about letting that bludger out of that box. Diggory is beside you and those are the bludgers we use to prep for Slytherin.”

Oliver raised his hand to stop the protest he could see in her eyes. “Durmstrang is going to throttle us if this infighting doesn’t stop. Madame Hooch expects to see Diggory and I running an actual practice when she gets here.” Letting his frustration color his tone, Oliver announce the first drill the team would run. “Diggory, how do you feel about Broom and Hoof sprints?”

“Teams of four? Sounds good to me.” Cedric grinned as he picked up his broom to a chorus of groans. “By position, one member from each house. Two laps around the pitch before you tag to next person. First lap on your broom, second on your feet. Speed spells allowed.” Oliver nodded as Cedric continued. “Last group to finish has pushups.”

Grumbles drifted up from the players as Cedric and Oliver watched the tangle of players sort into teams by position. “Left and right side beaters – Gryffindor, you are up first. Left, right and middle Chasers – Ravenclaw goes first. Keepers – Hufflepuff on the broom first. Seekers – Slytherin is up first.” Oliver barked out the starting orders as he moved to join the other keepers. “On your mark, Diggory…”

The next hour passed with a series of drills used by each of the house teams during their practices. “Alright,” Oliver declared as he headed for the hoops at the end of the last drill. “Time to run some plays. Diggory, care to pick the first groups?”

“Weasley, Weasley, Flint, Bell, Chang, and Malfoy. You are with Wood on the blue side.” Cedric snapped his fingers and blue armbands appeared on the players he had named. “Crabbe, Goyle, Johnson, Macavoy, Davies, and Potter. You are on the red side with me.” With another snap of his fingers, both teams were wearing their correct colors and players were moving to take their positions in the air.

“When Madame Hooch released the balls, use the right side counter, blue side.” Oliver directed his players from in front of his hoops.

“Run the left side counter sweep,” Cedric shouted as both teams continued to watch Madame Hooch approach the box on the ground.

“On your mark, Madame.” Oliver nodded and waited for her whistle. What he expected to see next was what he always saw a Gryffindor practices, a precision sweep of players with clean passes of the quaffle along the right side of the pitch.

The train wreck he got was more of a tangle of limbs and brooms when everyone tried to get the quaffle instead of working together. One of the twins was tangled with Flint and both players were headed for the ground. Goyle and the other twin were beating each other with the bats instead of the bludgers.

“Merlin’s beard, how can you expect to beat anyone if you canna stay on your brooms?” Oliver continued to shout and toss cushioning spells under players as he swooped into the chaos. There was no way he was going to get this to work in the time they had been given.

_Silencio._ One spell from Madame Hooch and all the players froze on the pitch. “I have not seen a disaster like this since your father’s day, Mr. Wood.” She surveyed the students scattered along the pitch. “Shall we try this again, without the chaos? On my mark…”

Madame Hooch’s admonition seemed to help all the players focus for the next thirty minutes, but Oliver was discovering that creating a team from four rivals was no easy task. Chaos was only one missed pass or stray bludger away.

“Alright. One last drill and we can go back to the dorms.” Oliver breathed a sigh of relief. “Potter, Malfoy. The snitch will be out for this one. The two of you need to track it and chase it, but dinna catch it. This is a practice snitch and it will only be active for the length of the drill. It will zap you if you try to grab it during the drill.”

Draco and Harry looked at Oliver and then at each other. “Don’t catch it? I thought that was the point?” Draco stared at Oliver as he asked the question. “What is the point in chasing the thing if I can’t catch it?”

“To get better at chasing it.” Harry rolled his eyes as he answered Draco’s question. “We run this drill all the time in Gryffindor practices.”

“It’s a bloody stupid drill,” Draco grumbled as he kicked back up into the air. “We’ll see about running stupid drill where you can’t even do what you are supposed to. When my father hears about this …”

“When my father hears about this,” Harry mocked as he joined Draco in the air. “He’ll get a house elf to …”

Harry comment was lost as he was hit from behind by Draco. The tangle of brooms and limbs that was created was the final straw for Oliver. “POTTER! MALFOY! I will not ask you again.” Oliver watched the two boys began to tumble towards the ground as the other players cheered from their brooms. “That’s it. FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND POINTS FROM EVERY HOUSE! I will na have this!”

Oliver pulled his wand out of his cloak and began to mutter. Harry and Draco were pulled apart and drifted to the ground. Oliver and Cedric swooped down to join them as the scrappers struggled to break free of the ground and Oliver’s spell. “Practice is over for today. Be back on the pitch after classes tomorrow.”

Cedric growled as he looked at the two struggling players. “Find a better attitude before then or don’t bother to show up at all.”

Oliver nodded in agreement as he continued to watch Harry and Draco struggle against the spell. “As for you two, Madame Hooch will decide if and when you can practice again because I am not a bloody referee and I never thought I would have to use that spell on anyone but my sisters. When you can calm down and work together, you will find your way out of the spell.” Oliver hung his head as he put his hand on Cedric shoulder. “Come on Diggory. Let’s go work on ideas that put the best of our plays together.”

“What about those two?” Cedric asked as he turned his back to the struggling boys. “Do we just leave them out here?”

“Aye. According to me mum, they will figure it out if they want to be free of it.” Oliver smiled and started to walk away from the pitch. “Come on, Diggory. We can work on plans while we study tonight. I hear the house elves have made pumpkin pasties and caldron cakes for study sessions tonight. I’m starving.”


End file.
